On the Dole

Unemployment numbers came out the other day, evidence that it's just as grim out there as they're saying it is: 524,000 jobs lost in December for a total loss in 2008 of 2.6 million jobs - the highest since 1945.

Every day brings a new story about layoffs - or pending layoffs. I know good, talented people who are suddenly finding themselves without gainful employment in a job market that absolutely sucks. They're putting a brave face on it, but I know exactly how they're feeling.

I was let go several years ago, and spent the next 13 months on the dole. It was the worst 13 months of my life. (If I'd known there'd be a happy ending once those months had passed, I could have treated it like a really extended vacation and relaxed and enjoyed the time off. But it didn't work out that way.)

It was hell. Not only was I out of work, but there was absolutely nothing available in KC in my then-chosen profession. It was move to another market or do something else. But do what???

So, for too long, I did nothing (or just enough to keep the unemployment checks coming). I've always liked to read, but during that period I was addicted, reading constantly, panicking as I closed one book if another wasn't near at hand. (I read Jane Eyre one day and Wuthering Heights the next, for example, and managed to give myself a bad case of eyestrain. But I still kept reading. Better to be in 19th century England than 20th century Kansas City.)

My self-esteem was non-existent. My savings slowly evaporated. But then, something shifted and I came out of hiding. I began investigating some new possibilities and cobbling together a variety of part-time things - freelance writing, teaching a couple classes at UMKC, and some other stuff. Got a little money coming in when - at the 13 month mark - a job offer materialized in left field and started me down a new path.

So if you find yourself in a similar position, here's the best advice I can offer:

Remember, you are not your job. We're such a work-obsessed society, defining ourselves and others by what job we do and what position we hold...

Get over it. You've lost a job. You haven't lost your identity, your good and bad qualities, your history. Yes, you've had a sucker punch to the gut, your world is entirely different, and you haven't a clue what to do next. But you haven't been diminished.

Shrug your shoulders and do what you need to do - which includes wailing and gnashing of teeth if you feel like it. Loss of a job is like a death, and expect to go through all the usual stages, from denial to anger to eventual acceptance. Do all that the advisers advise: network, reach out, go to support groups, whatever.

Now's not the time to hole up like I did.