In a Funk

We live - just barely - in Kansas City, Missouri (the city's boundary runs through my living room and - yes- that means we pay taxes to two municipalities but only get to vote in one - the one where the house is located: KCMO).

I confess: I voted for Mark Funkhouser.

I thought it was a choice between a really smart man and a really nice one. I've worked in and around City Hall and knew them both. Liked them both. But I figured with all the problems the city faces - crime, huge liabilities taken on during the Barnes administration, the looming gazillion dollar sewer re-do (for the first time, I'm glad we have a septic tank - no sewer fees for us!), the looming light rail plan, the backlog of deferred maintenance, etc. etc. etc. - we needed the smart guy.

Boy, am I disappointed.

You'd think, after 18 years as City Auditor, he'd have figured out how to work City Hall. Ummm.........not so much.

Mayors Cleaver and Barnes knew how to count to seven and they didn't eschew the label 'politician.' When you are elected to political office, you are by definition a politician. And if you want to get anything done at City Hall, you have to get seven votes or it ain't gonna happen. Pissing on/off your colleagues is not a good idea.

The "Drama of the Barefoot Contessa" now playing at 12th & Oak has been wildly entertaining (who could write that kind of stuff???) but, uh, unhelpful. That show needs to close.

I have a feeling that, if I ran into Gloria, I'd probably like her. (I tend to like strong, opinionated, feisty women.)

But enough is enough.


Dear Mark and Gloria,

My, oh, my, what a mess you've made.

I'm sure it's been a rough one-and-a-half years. But hopefully you've learned from past mistakes - like how to do simple background checks on potential Park Board appointees and to not accept free cars.

Since I voted for one of you, I feel entitled to give a little advice prior to Thursday's Council meeting.

Take the high road. (Always a good idea in public and personal relations.) Don't threaten or demean the 12 people you're supposed to be working with. (Remember the number '7.')

In the little time you have left, try to find a compromise. (Difficult to do when you've pissed everybody off, but try anyway...the fine art of compromise is what politicians DO. Half a loaf is better than none.) And if you lose, move on. Swallow the insult and do what we elected you to do.

Gloria, I'm sure you're great, one-on-one, with constituents. You both say that's one of your strengths. So go to all the public meetings you want - outside of City Hall. Represent the mayor all over the place. Personalize your rather austere spouse.

Your role is not that of co-mayor and your place is not the 29th floor. Your intemperate words inside that office have placed the city at risk. Your undefined role has caused confusion and concern among staff and constituents. And a real 'first lady' keeps her shoes on. (Going barefoot in the workplace is just gross. Not to mention highly unprofessional. It's the office of the city's top elected official, for God's sake - show some respect and decorum.)

Usually the people I vote for lose, so it was kinda nice when I picked the winner for a change. Right now I'm regretting that vote.

You've got two-and-a-half years to change my mind. Don't waste it.

Demosthenes